Sometimes you feel awkward but you need to know that that is okay. Sometimes you feel as though you are the only person who feels the way that you do. You need to know that you are not. Sometimes you get scared that there is no point to your life. You need to know that there is a point to your life. Sometimes you feel embarrassed by the things that you do. You need to know that there is no need to feel this way and that there is nothing wrong with you. You are fine just the way that you are.
Sometimes you look at yourself in the mirror and all you see are the imperfections. You notice the wrinkles, the fact that your eyes are small and your mouth is small and your nose is big. You need to know that you are beautiful. That your entire face smiles when you do. You prod and pull at your skin but you need to know that the curves you grab are beautiful, that they are part of being a woman, that they are valuable because they belong to you.
Sometimes you don’t eat, you feel weak and dizzy and disconnected from reality. You need to know that whether you lose weight or not will have no impact on your ability to be happy. You worry so much about how others see you, what they think of you, whether they notice the flaws that you highlight in yourself. You need to know that how others view you does not matter. If all they see is the exterior and they don’t value it, then that is their problem. You need to value yourself and treat yourself with respect.
Sometimes you look for love and affection in the wrong places. If you love and respect yourself, everything else will fall into place. You think that another human being can make you happy but the truth that you need to realise is that real happiness can only come from the relationship you have with yourself. If you keep on looking for validation from somebody else, it will never come because no one person can really give you what it is that you need. No one person can make you feel fulfilled or loved if you don’t really love and value yourself. You need to sort out the relationship that you have with yourself before you can make any progress in terms of the relationship you have with anybody else.
Laugh, sing badly, dance whether you want to or not. Listen to music that makes your heart sing. Tell yourself constantly how lucky you are to be you, how fortunate you are to be living right here, right now. Paint your toenails, stop combing your hair so much. Wear lip gloss that makes your lips stick together. Go roller skating – you love it – who cares if people laugh at you? Believe in yourself. Make things. Bake things. Go for a walk. Feed the birds. Smile – even if you don’t feel like it.
Lots of love,
From Me xxxx
3 thoughts on “A letter to my younger self….”