I am someone who thinks a lot about things, some important some not so much. Sometimes my mind can resemble a washing machine, constantly swirling and twirling ideas around. Sometimes my thoughts get stuck, like the socks that wrap themselves in knots during the laundry cycle and cause it to pause. As a teacher, I was trained to evaluate my performance and to view my professional work with a critical eye. I was taught that this is essential to improve student outcomes and as a result of this perhaps, I evaluate myself constantly but as a person rather than just as a teacher
I constantly wonder whether I am making the right decisions and doing the right things for myself and my family. Am I a good mother? Am I doing the right things to help my children thrive and grow? Am I being the best wife I can be? Do I show enough love to the special people in my life? Am I a good friend? How can I be a better version of myself?
I have spent many hours pondering such questions and I make innumerable ‘to do’ lists based on my self evaluations. I seem to live in a constant state of striving – always looking for ways to improve, to become better because the way I am is not good enough. If I am grumpy with those I love, if I slip back into old habits, if I forget to be grateful for all of my blessings, I can easily allow negativity to snowball and end up feeling like I have totally failed.
This week though, a little voice came into my head – it told me to let it go. To give myself grace and allow for my human weakness. To accept that my life will never be perfect. I will never be perfect. I will never be finished, because my life is about my development. It is about my journey, so there will not be a fixed point at which I will be ‘finished’ and will know without question that I am the best mother, wife, friend or person that I can be. It is a work in progress and that is okay. All that really matters is that I am guided by love and if I fail I need to reflect on it but then be sure to let it go and move forward.