Have you ever had the feeling that you really need to change something about your life but you aren’t quite sure how to do it?
I know I am blessed in many many ways. I am healthy, I have a wonderful family and what is perceived as a good well paid job. But when I am driving slowly into work on congested highways or drowning under a pile of papers that need my attention, I feel sure that there must be another way.
When I am driving into the city at a snails pace (having dropped my children off early at before school childcare as soon as it opens so I can make it to work on time through the traffic ) I feel like a worker ant, mindlessly doing what needs to be done. I follow the person in front of me closely to get to work on time, to do my work, to get the money, to pay for the car that gets me to work, the food I buy when I am too tired to cook, the rent for the house that we only sleep in and the fees for the before and after school childcare….in my mind I have tried to convince myself that that is just the way life is and that I need to just toughen up and go with it, but I don’t want to any more. I don’t see why it has to be this way.
Of course I know I need to work because my children have basic needs for shelter, clothing and food that I need to meet. I worry though that while I am able to meet their basic needs, I am not really giving them what they really need most. They each have a wardrobe crammed full of clothes and I always pay the childcare bill on time but often I am too tired to make healthful meals for them to really nourish their bodies or read stories to them at bedtime. I get grumpy and feel overwhelmed when I have to help them with homework tasks and I forget to play.
Someday soon, they will be all grown up and won’t want to play with me anymore and I will have missed it because I have been too busy trying to be successful, or at least trying to do what our society tells me I need to do to be successful and happy and when all it does is make me feel a bit empty inside.
So I have decided that I need to make a new path for myself. It’s time. I need to find a new way. A way that is more in line with the needs of my family and what I really need. I want to have enough energy to play and laugh and hang out with the people I love most and most importantly I want to set an example for my girls – I want to show them that you don’t have to do what everybody else does. You can find your own way and I am determined to.