Since the school year started I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed. In the past few months I have spoken a lot about our girls finding change difficult but what I have come to realise is that my struggle to cope with change is also very real.
After the upheaval of moving here, the past couple of years have been stable and very familiar. We had fallen into an ever repeating pattern of work, school, gymnastic training and weekend trips to Starbucks. Despite the often frenetic busyness and the rushing from place to place, our routine was always the same and in a country that still seems unfamiliar at times, with so much we don’t understand, there was something comforting about that.
Amy starting at ‘big’ school has impacted on this routine and in the past few weeks it is me that has struggled to adjust to a number of changes such as her taking the bus!
Instead of dropping her safely at before school care I now drop her at the bus stop where she waits for her bus and makes her own way to school. Initially she was very nervous about this new found independence, but she has very swiftly adapted. She even coped when her bus did not arrive one day at all and now is a seasoned and experienced traveller. I meanwhile have struggled to let go. She is my baby and it is hard to leave for work, knowing she is not yet safely at school. My instinct is to wrap her up in a blanket and take her home for cuddles, not to cheerily wave at her waiting patiently at the bus stop as I drive away. I am finding this stage hard. I know I need to let go and that there will be far bigger challenges to come for us both but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t a struggle.
Watching Amy develop in confidence just from catching the bus to school on her own has reminded me just how important it is for us all to push outside of our comfort zone. It is easy to get settled in a routine and very comforting too, but we grow when we try new things. We gain confidence when we are able to complete tasks that once appeared alien to us and as we face challenges and overcome them, however large or small they may be, we grow and become more resilient.
When I reflect on my role as mother, it always makes me smile. I used to imagine that being a mother was all about my wisdom- teaching our children, guiding them, showing them the way to grow and develop into the human beings they are destined to be. What I have learned so far though is that our children teach me far more important lessons than I will ever be able to teach them. They help me to become wiser than I ever imagined I could be. They show me the way.