This morning began with an undeniable case of post-holiday blues. After weeks, if not months of planning, the holidays have flown by in a flash. Here in New Zealand, everything comes at once so we have had Christmas, New Year and the summer holidays to enjoy over the past few weeks. It has been a special time and one in which many memories have been made, but now as the season of celebration and freedom draws to an end, I admit that I woke this morning feeling rather grey as the prospect of the new school year looms on the horizon.
As always when I feel this way, the greyness becomes a catalyst for the questions that trouble me the most and I spend time worrying about what we are doing here, what our next steps should be as a family, where we are at and why. When we made the decision to move here, I knew that we would spend time wondering whether it was the right decision but nothing prepared me for how difficult it is to grapple with this question for real. I wonder how different out lives would have looked if we had stayed where we were, or moved somewhere else. Would our girls be happier? Would we? The truth is of course, that we can never know and so on days like this after indulging these thoughts briefly and writing about them in my journal, I try really hard to switch my focus from wild speculation to reality and just place my trust in God, that all will be as it should be.
The reality of course, is that we are all healthy and happy. We are fortunate to live in a lovely part of the world, to have secure meaningful work to engage in and the freedom to be creative and pursue what makes our hearts sing. One of the reasons that I am such an avid goal-setter is that at times when I feel a bit grey, it is helpful to be able to quickly remember what I am aiming for and why, as it grounds me back in reality.
Remembering my goal to get healthier everyday, reminds me that I will accomplish something and feel better if I just have a big glass of water, eat something fruity or take a walk. Remembering my goal to be guided by love, reminds me that before I can show love to anybody else, I should show love to myself and remember that if I am trying my best then that is enough.
In addition to my overarching goals for 2018 of course, I also have my list of 40 things to do before I turn 40 which has already become something of a default when I am at a loose end. To date, I have read 3 of the 40 books I am hoping to finish, I have remembered how to ask basic questions in Spanish and have investigated the possibility of joining a tap class.
All seasons come to an end because time is predictable like that. As holidays begin, so they will end. My thirties began and so they will end. The fact that good times end is proof that we are alive, but if you find change challenging like I do and if you succumb to greyness when change is looming, today I want to encourage you to stay grounded. Set small, attainable goals and provide for yourself a consistent structure that is not subject to the changing seasons. Be kind to yourself, always.