May 2016 was a low point for me because it was when I finally admitted that I was struggling to the extent that I needed to go back on medication. I sat on the floor of the bathroom and cried angry, scared tears because I didn’t know how I was going to get through the next day, but I managed to make it to my doctors appointment. After that, slowly of course, my mood began to improve as my brain chemistry stabilised and I was able to quieten my noisy, chaotic, anxious brain. For weeks though, I grappled with feelings of failure, guilt and loss, as I questioned how this had happened to me again and why I had ignored the warning signs.
This morning I spent some time reading through my past journal entries as I often do, to remind me how far I have come. It was sobering to read my entries for last April and May and to track the increasing sense of panic and distress in my writing. It made me feel rather melancholic until a wonderful idea popped into my head….
The start of a new month, is a perfect time to start a project and so I have decided that this year, May will be Marvellous May. I intend to make an effort to make each day special in its own right, to celebrate the healing power of time, resilience and strength. I want each day to be marvellous as a fitting celebration of the fact that I have, again, come so far and will keep on striving and working towards positive mental health.
Whatever your story, wherever you are on your journey, I would love you to join me and do something every day to celebrate how resilient, strong and brave you really are.
Today was a special way to start my Marvellous May project as I spent the day at university learning new things and pushing myself out of my comfort zone to chase my dream. I made it even more marvellous by treating myself to a delicious spicy chai latte which I didn’t need but totally enjoyed! Yum!